after midnight rants

Hello guys,

So today after almost 12 hour shift at work I can barely move a muscle but I am actually really happy since I am feeling better then yesterday. I had all these plans made out to do a photo shoot or at least start on my university project or the very least to fill my portfolio with more work. But none of those happened. I could not lift my head of the pillow and I was dying inside from a massive headache, wisdom tooth pain and fever. But today is a new day (since it's after 2 a.m) and I am feeling a slight more positive then usual. A few days ago I finished my low carb high fat diet which is a relief since I was craving sugar so badly, but on the up side the diet made me lose 6 kg which is great. Basically the diet is based on the recent studies that say that it is not the fat that makes us fat but the carbohydrates (a.k.a carbs) and sugars that come from food. Basically our body needs sugar for energy but all the excess sugar we consume is stored in our body as fat. Cutting it out from your nutrition it makes your body go to ketosis which means your body starts to take energy from the fat stored in your body and burns it for you to keep having energy. Although you can not do this for too long so that's why my diet took only two weeks. But if I could survive without sweets, fruits, bread and pasta I think anyone can. And after that as a reward after the diet I bought myself my favourite coffee of the season- the Pumpkin spice Latte.



Last week was also  the week of some more changes then just my nutrition. I also decided to change my hair a little bit and went much darker for autumn. I know I loved my ombre and I had it for a long time but for the past few months I've been trying to cover it up since it damaged the ends of my hair so hard. After a few horrible attempts I went to the hairdresser and after two sessions one which was last month and one that was last week my hair is finally in one tone and is evenly one colour. I am really happy with the results, but let me know what you think.



Furthermore, now I'm thinking to start to do some reviews on the shows I liked or hated after the fashion month is over. Anyway I'm sure my comments about the shows after I have watched them all online would not be interesting for everyone but until then let me know what you think.



xx A

The beauty of ignorance

Every one of us has weaknesses. My one is that I choose to ignore what's negative, I try to push it all down inside until it is repressed by any other feeling. I ignore what's in front of me and I choose to not talk about it and get mad if anyone else brings it up. Or I pretend that it doesn't affect me but deep inside I'm dying. Then I find myself one night in bed trying to fall asleep but I catch myself struggling  because all the bad thoughts, all the bad memories come rushing back in and it becomes too overwhelming and impossible to handle.  I'm not an angry person but I can get pretty offensive at times. It always surprises me how my shield goes up like that. For example my friend tries to talk to me about studying and taking my IELTS exam and what could happen if I don't pass what I'm gonna do then, but I just get angry and tell her to shut up because I don't want the negative energy, but honestly I don't want the truth I don't want to think about the future and I just want to enjoy the moment in life as it is. The same thing goes for my mother, she tries to tell me oh you gained weight you worked so hard to loose all that weight and now you're almost as you were before, but deep inside I know all of that I just get frustrated towards her and I think she isn't supporting me the way I am but the thing is she just wants what's the best for me, she knows how I feel going shopping she knows I will end up crying in a clothing booth, but at that moment you don't realize that some people want what's better for you. You realize that someone thinks that you're fat or thinks that you are not smart enough to do something. It's not that it's the fact that you are too ignorant and you rather live in a pink world with your pink shades on and think that everything is wonderful and magical and all the things that bother you at night will not do that during the day. I know for me I think it's impossible to change because I lived all my life like that. But it's never too late to rethink your priorities to make yourself and others around you proud. You can put that unhealthy food and stop watching those pointless tv shows and go for a jog you can spend a day or two studying you can spend your life making plans ahead or you can stay in your perfect bubble and think that everything is gonna work out by itself. Don't just go with the flow swim against the wave and experience the life that you actually deserve not the life you think is good enough for your depressed little self. But don't think that I'm saying to not be positive, positivity will get you through the journey that lies ahead.



Lots of love A