The beauty of ignorance

Every one of us has weaknesses. My one is that I choose to ignore what's negative, I try to push it all down inside until it is repressed by any other feeling. I ignore what's in front of me and I choose to not talk about it and get mad if anyone else brings it up. Or I pretend that it doesn't affect me but deep inside I'm dying. Then I find myself one night in bed trying to fall asleep but I catch myself struggling  because all the bad thoughts, all the bad memories come rushing back in and it becomes too overwhelming and impossible to handle.  I'm not an angry person but I can get pretty offensive at times. It always surprises me how my shield goes up like that. For example my friend tries to talk to me about studying and taking my IELTS exam and what could happen if I don't pass what I'm gonna do then, but I just get angry and tell her to shut up because I don't want the negative energy, but honestly I don't want the truth I don't want to think about the future and I just want to enjoy the moment in life as it is. The same thing goes for my mother, she tries to tell me oh you gained weight you worked so hard to loose all that weight and now you're almost as you were before, but deep inside I know all of that I just get frustrated towards her and I think she isn't supporting me the way I am but the thing is she just wants what's the best for me, she knows how I feel going shopping she knows I will end up crying in a clothing booth, but at that moment you don't realize that some people want what's better for you. You realize that someone thinks that you're fat or thinks that you are not smart enough to do something. It's not that it's the fact that you are too ignorant and you rather live in a pink world with your pink shades on and think that everything is wonderful and magical and all the things that bother you at night will not do that during the day. I know for me I think it's impossible to change because I lived all my life like that. But it's never too late to rethink your priorities to make yourself and others around you proud. You can put that unhealthy food and stop watching those pointless tv shows and go for a jog you can spend a day or two studying you can spend your life making plans ahead or you can stay in your perfect bubble and think that everything is gonna work out by itself. Don't just go with the flow swim against the wave and experience the life that you actually deserve not the life you think is good enough for your depressed little self. But don't think that I'm saying to not be positive, positivity will get you through the journey that lies ahead.

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Lots of love A

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