I have been stareing throughout the window for the last hour. I drank 3 cups of black coffee, but I still want to sleep. But every time I close my eyes the sleepiness disappears. I am feeling crazy lately. I am afraid of tomorrow. I am going to get my test results from the doctor. The thing that frightens me the most, is that the results will show that there is nothing wrong with me and all that is happening is my fault. I am afraid that I will be the one to blame as usual.

I am still very much amazed by the sun. It brings me controversial feelings. The fear and the joy of summer. I have been trying to write something personal, but every time I do I just end up deleting everything. Because I just sound sad or crazy. But I promised myself I will. Not sure if this is worth any one’s attention or that anyone is interested in my rambling.

Enjoy the sunshine

xx A